


You’re Not an ‘Augment’, You’re a Julian

by excessiveprepositionalphrases



Series: One Tiny Lieutenant Cares Deeply About Julian Bashir [2]
Category: Star Trek: Deep Space Nine
Genre: Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Episode: s05e16 Doctor Bashir I Presume, Gen, Post-Episode: s05e16 Doctor Bashir I Presume, in which I tell Julian he is wonderful and loved
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-02-03
Updated: 2020-02-03
Packaged: 2021-02-28 02:53:59
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,347
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22546609
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/excessiveprepositionalphrases/pseuds/excessiveprepositionalphrases
Summary: A short little something in the same vein and relationship as yesterday’s. Our nameless narrator does her best to explain to Julian exactly how wonderful he is and exactly how little his past matters immediately post-the events of Dr. Bashir I Presume.
Relationships: Julian Bashir & Original Female Character(s)
Series: One Tiny Lieutenant Cares Deeply About Julian Bashir [2]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1621273
Comments: 2
Kudos: 21





	You’re Not an ‘Augment’, You’re a Julian

Julian was studying something growing in a Petri dish like it was the most interesting thing in the world. It wasn’t worth it to try and talk directly to him, so I didn’t even try. Instead I leaned on the table he was working on, carefully edging my hands into his line of sight. He looked up at me, the look on his face hovering between depression and total defeat. I smiled at him, trying to tease some kind of reaction out of his blank face.

“Can I help you?” he asked coldly.

“What?”

“Just say it. Whatever you need treated or whatever you wanted to ask. Just get it out of the way quickly, so you can do what you really want to do and get as far away from me as possible.”

“Woah, woah! This is NOT something we will be doing,” I protested. I stepped around the table, grabbed him by the shoulder and nudged him to face me.

“What are you talking about?”

“You acting like that! I won’t stand here and let you be like that.”

“I’m not acting like anything. I’m just _trying_ to save you some time. You’re here for a reason. I know you certainly didn’t come to talk to the monster.”

“I came to talk to you. I don’t see any monsters anywhere,” I said quietly. I reached out and grabbed his hands, the same way he would have grabbed mine.

“That’d make you the only person with that opinion.”

“Julian, you’re not a monster. You’re the same man you’ve always been.”

“But I’m not!” he protested. “I’m not. I’m not the man you thought I was.”

“You’re exactly the man I thought you were! Just because no one knew your secrets doesn’t mean you didn’t have them. You’ve been augmented since you were six years old. You were augmented when I met you. Just because I didn’t know it doesn’t change it. There’s nothing actually different about you.”

“But I’m not real,” he argued. “I’m not real. A doctor built me. There is no Julian Bashir.”

I grabbed him by the shoulders and squeezed. “You seem pretty real to me!”

Julian smiled sadly. “You’re very sweet, but you know what I mean.”

“I do.”

Julian looked up at the ceiling. “I’m not anything,” he said finally. “Everything about me is a lie.”

“That’s nonsense! Just because someone made you the way you are doesn’t mean it’s not you! The augmentation is part of you. It’s just as much a part of you as…I don’t know, your legs. And it’s been a part of you as long as any of us have known you. That’s what I’m saying. You’re not actually any different. You’re still the same person.”

“So I’ve always been a monster,” he concluded, defeat in his voice.

“Julian, you are not a monster. You’re the farthest thing from a monster that’s ever been. And it’s not everything about you that came from the augmentation. It’s only your hyper intelligence, right?”

“Exactly,” Julian repeated. “That’s exactly what I said. Everything about me – ”

“…that’s what this is about. That’s the problem.”

He didn’t answer.

“Julian, your intelligence isn’t everything. You’re kind, and thoughtful, and empathetic, and gentle. You take care of all of us!”

“But that’s not what got me this job,” he argued. “That’s not why I’m here.”

“That’s exactly why you’re here! Maybe from your perspective, it’s important that you’re brilliant . And yeah, maybe you’ve been able to cure some of us and figure out some complex diseases because you’re brilliant. But that’s not what makes you a good doctor! You’re not a good doctor because you’re a genius! You’re a good doctor because you care. I don’t trust you because you’re a genius. I don’t _care_ if you’re a genius. When I met you, I didn’t start to like you because I knew you were an expert on anything. I didn’t know anything about you! When I met you, when I was sitting over there in one of those chairs, crying, your paper qualifications didn’t matter at all. What mattered was that that you walked over to me, and sat down next to me; and said _hello, are you okay, is there anything I can do to help you._ You were patient with me, and gentle with me, and comforted me. You got me to trust you because you were _kind_. You got me into a medical exam while I was having a panic attack and out the other side of it with a smile on my face. That’s why I trust you, and why I always will. It has nothing to do with your brilliance, or anything on paper. It’s because I know I’m safe with you. We all do. That’s why everyone trusts you. And it’s not just what makes you a good doctor, anyway. It’s what makes you a good person, and good friend. You look out for people.”

“How can I be sure?” Julian asked softly. “How do I know that I’m not that way because I’m an augment? You sound very confident. But how am I to know what I would have been like, if I was different?”

“First of all, I don’t think you’re ‘an augment.’ You’re augmented, but you’re not an augment. You’re a Julian. And you know because I don’t think you _can_ augment someone into being lovely. I think if ‘kind’ was one of the options, every misguided parent putting their children through that torture would add ‘kind’ to their selections. The reason you feel like a monster is because of the history of engineered people, right? Consider, if it was possible to augment people into kindness, that stigma wouldn’t exist. Your genius might be enhanced but your kindness is your own. Even more impressive that you manage to be so patient and kind _while_ being so intelligent. Smart people usually turn out to be assholes, honestly. All of us must seem like we’re thinking in slow motion compared to you! It must be infuriating! But you’re still a sweetheart. You’re as lovely and patient with us as anyone could be.”

Julian considered the words. “It’s still hard to believe,” he said. “It’s hard…to be sure.”

“Consider this,” I continued. “You’re like…a sculpture. A sculpture made of red clay. I can pick up a block of red clay, and sculpt it into…a tree. It’s a tree because I sculpted it, but I didn’t make it red. It was always red. It was red before and it’s red now. Someone might have sculpted you into a genius, but the clay was always red.”

“You really did just come to talk to me, didn’t you?” he asked. I nodded.

“I really did. This whole augment thing doesn’t bother me at all. I didn’t come here to be horrified. I just wanted to talk to my friend.”

Julian pulled me into a hug.

“The crew really have been avoiding you, haven’t they?” I asked, leaning into the hug.

“I normally average half a dozen minor injuries a day – bruises, sprained joints, broken limbs. I haven’t had a single patient in two days.”

“They’ll remember who you really are and get over it,” I reassured him. “They’ll have to.”

“You’re right. I know you’re right.”

He paused, apparently lost in contemplation. “Understanding that doesn’t really make it less unpleasant in the meantime,” he added hesitantly. _Lonely_. That was the emotion that was settling on his face. I pulled myself out of the hug and climbed up onto a bed behind me.

“You can’t be lonely if I’m annoying you,” I said mischievously, resting my face in my hands.

“I hope you know you’re never annoying me,” he said.

“I’m just teasing you. Let’s forget this augment stuff for a while. Why don’t you explain to me what’s so interesting about whatever is in those Petri dishes?”

Julian’s eyes lit up for the first time I had seen in days. I settled in for the long haul.

“So the fascinating thing about bacterial genomes…” he began.


End file.
